Eating Better - So You Can Smash and Intimidate Your Enemies

Everyone is going to tell you to eat better. From your Nana to the latest self-help gods.

But even though I knew I should be eating better, I could just never find the right motivation to do so.

‘Eh, I had some broccoli today, that means I can eat an entire bag of Tim Tams right?’

Motivation found me slowly.

And, by no means am I perfect yet. Yesterday, I managed to eat a pie, a sausage roll and an afghan cookie in the time it took for my sister to get her pie out of it’s little paper bag.

However 90% of the time, I practice intermittent fasting and eat veggies, fruit and beans.

But, not because I wanted to ‘improve my overall health’ and ‘live long and prosper.’ Those sorts of sappy tag lines are something you would see on Pinterest and only leave me feeling guilty as I scoff brownie and an entire loaf of white bread.

So how do I stay motivated…?

Die Last Babygirl

If you are eating healthy, yes you will live longer. Bla de bla bla. But lets reframe that. You will die last. Dying last means you get to outlive your enemies. You will win.

Don’t Hurt Yourself

If I eat a lot of bread and sugary things, my stomach will physically start to hurt. So, just like you wouldn’t jump out of a tree or run into a wall, don’t hurt yourself by eating foods that will cause you and your body, your weapon, pain.

Greens Means Ya Mean

Lets play out a little scene. Big business meeting. One of you orders the steak fries with gravy and an egg and a open steak burger sprinkled in cheese and bacon or something. The other asks for just a medium rare eye fillet, no chips, and heavy on the veggies.

How is gravy fries guy going to feel, sitting their eating his heart attack watching you eat your food. Guilty maybe? Annoyed?

He’s going to be distracted. He will feel weak in your presence.

Distracted means he’s off his game, which in turn means you will find it easier to play yours, and win.

Side note for that one, don’t get dessert in front of your enemies. Let them nosh down on that ice-cream sourbet platter, while you quietly sip some form of hard liquor.

Of course, none of this means you shouldn’t enjoy the odd sweet thing for a special occasion. But I’ve also taken steps to change my perspective on what I consider to be sweet.

Instead of dessert, I would try to get some fruit with yogurt. That way you can still have something sweet and eat with whanau.

Thanks for reading..!